By Virginia Riley and Avery Benbow
You read the title, you know what we’re doing. In fact, I have so much faith in your reading comprehension skills that I’m cutting right to the chase.
Today, we’re assigning Loreto teachers different types of insects (and arachnids, which are not insects, but I would like to include them anyway). There will be some images as references, but to save the sanity of our Editors-in-Chief, they will be scattered throughout. Please note that these insects are not supposed to reflect the teacher’s physical appearance. Any correlation between a teacher’s physical appearance and their assigned insect is entirely coincidental.
Now that we’ve established that, let’s get straight into the assigning!
Mr Ellis: Giant Prickly Stick Insect
He’s giant. He’s prickly. He’s the giant prickly stick insect.
Just kidding, Mr Ellis isn’t that tall. I mean, he’s taller than me, but that’s not saying much. Mr Ellis is actually the teacher who prompted this whole insect-assigning thing; we were in Maths Extension, and I saw a massive blowfly zooming around the class, and I was like, “Hey, that fly kind of looks like Mr Ellis”, and then as soon as it was said the fly disappeared. Clearly, that fly was his familiar, or something. But I assigned him a stick insect anyway, because he’s too down-to-earth to be a fly.
Ms Kachel: Polyphemus Moth
I wanted to give her something cute and that has a reference to Ancient History and mythology. Polyphemus, who is the Cyclops son of Poseidon in Greek mythology, is a pretty interesting guy, and I think this moth is named after it because of the eye-like markings on its wings. I also think that the light pink and honey-brown colour scheme reminds me of Ms Kachel. This is a very beautiful moth that we can all love and appreciate, yet manages not to be overstated in its presence.
Ms Boardman: Monarch Butterfly
Another flying insect! Everybody knows what a Monarch butterfly looks like, so I won’t be putting a picture. Monarch butterflies, despite being massive and very colourful, are actually really intelligent insects, having the most advanced migration patterns of any insect (according to the World Wildlife Fund). National Geographic says they might use the sun’s rays to determine their location, which is pretty interesting. They’re also perhaps the most iconic and recognised butterfly, though I don’t think I see them too often in the wild (more of a North American thing I guess). Though that certainly aligns with the distinguishability of Ms Boardman!
Mr MacDonald: Little Yellow Butterfly
I don’t have much to say about Mr MacDonald being the ‘Little yellow’ butterfly, also known as the ‘Little sulphur’; he kind of just is the butterfly. He probably wanted to be a stick insect or something, but I chose to give him this insect. Found in sunny fields, meadows and roadsides on bright summer days and feeding on flower nectar, this butterfly is very important for pollination in North and Central America. Take that as you will!
Ms Holmes: Mud Dauber Wasp
I wasn’t quite sure about this one; I definitely wanted to give her some sort of sharp insect, given how quippy and dry she can be. Ants and hornets were also options, but I ended up going for the misunderstood ‘mud dauber wasp’. According to the Australian Museum, they build nests out of mud and are exceptionally capable of crafting, and they feed mostly on nectar, but can also eat spiders. (Wasps, contrary to popular hate-driven consensus, are actually pretty important to the ecosystem.) Mud dauber wasps, being solitary, are much more gentle around people than other wasps since they don’t have colonies to defend.
(Note that I would also like to emphasize the importance of respect for all animals, regardless of whether they hurt people or not. Animals are animals, either way, and it’s hard to hate a creature for an ancient territorial instinct that they probably aren’t intelligent enough to control.)
Also, upon further reflection, Ms Long could probably embody this insect as well, because she is very organised and determined, but also can be occasionally misunderstood.
Ms Cranfield: Amazonian Giant Centipede
I told Ms Cranfield she was a giant centipede in person, and to be honest, I couldn’t really read her expression. Maybe I should have picked a millipede instead? It’s not as if I don’t like giant centipedes. They’re cool insects.
There are many fun things about the Amazonian giant centipede. For instance, it is able to consume lizards, amphibians, mice, and bats. It’s one of only two centipedes that can harm humans with its venom (the other is the Texas Redheaded Centipede). They’re about 30 centimetres long- not as big as I was personally hoping, and can live for about 10 years. They also only have 46 legs, despite their name meaning, literally, “a hundred legs”.
Ms Ugonotti: Peacock Spider
While I do feel like most people would prefer to be assigned a butterfly, I have a reason for assigning Ms Ugonotti the peacock spider. Just look into its adorable round eyes, at its brightly coloured fuzzy back… isn’t it the coolest spider? Possibly ever?
I love peacock spiders. According to the World Wildlife Fund, they can jump up to 40 times their own body length (possibly a reference to Ms Ugonotti rising to the top of our school system?). They also have an internal hydraulic system, which allows them to jump so powerfully. I think their bright colours, small size, and general cheery demeanour remind me of Ms Ugonotti.
Mr Abarbanel: Rhinoceros Beetle
While these assignments are not based on appearance, I can’t help but think that if the Rhinoceros Beetle had a wardrobe, it would be very closely aligned to that of Mr Abarbanel. Interestingly, even though they have a distinctively tough exterior with their thick, dark exoskeleton, claws, and horns (cough leather jacket cough motorcycle cough) they are gentle, herbivorous insects. And although nobody is questioning Mr Abarbanel’s toughness, there’s definitely more to him in terms of being a caring and supportive teacher than meets the eye.
Ms Russo: Flamboyant Flower Beetle
Not sure this one needs much introduction - it’s pretty much all in the name. What more can we say? Ms Russo definitely has the drama-pizazz to embody this brightly-coloured beetle, with their green and rainbow-tinted shell that looks effortlessly magnificent and remains strong defensively, linking to how Ms Russo should never be underestimated, especially with Music Fest organisation. They also like to eat nectar and pollen from flowers, which in my head makes sense because I can see Ms Russo having a sweet tooth (I haven’t had her as a teacher since Year 8 so this could be completely inaccurate - if so, my sincerest apologies).
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