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Ask Mary: Second Edition



Greetings there my fellow sisters. It has been a while since we last communicated, and I must apologise. I have been caught up with walking to Rome to handle some official Catholic business, and left all your queries back in the UK. I am back home now, and I must say I am overwhelmed with all these questions. With my deepest regrets, I am unable to answer all your questions and have selected a few of the most relevant to ponder with you today.


– Mary


“Women in time will come to do much”





To my struggling academic student,


I am yet to be informed of what this ‘HSC’ is about, but I do know that if you are a dedicated Catholic, God will answer your prayers soon. God works in mysterious ways, and good things will come to those who wait, so don’t rethink your whole life’s purpose as He has put YOU on Earth for a reason. Becoming a nun was one of the best life choices I have ever made; I get free food, free shelter and a whole cult following, how could any other lifestyle be any better than this? In all honesty, no legal classes can teach you the word of God.


Hoping that all your prayers get answered.




Greetings fellow teacher,


If your students don’t respect you, then they should not get your respect!! They deserve to be roasted back.


Alas, I am kidding. Be patient with your students, I am certain they will find their way. Remember, kindness is always key.




Hello fellow sibling,


I would recommend moving to the left or the right so you aren’t burdened by her shadow anymore. Or just turn the lights off, that way it will be dark and no shadows can be created.


Hope this helps!





Hey Sad Sister,


I would make new friends. If you’ve been really upset they would have noticed and reached out. If they feel burdened with your problems then they are not true friends. That’s what I did, and the only friend I need is God. He never feels burdened, so maybe you should just be friends with God instead. He would love your company and we always love adding new friends to our family!


Hope you feel better soon xx




To my fellow friend,


No matter if you have sinned or not, as long as you have repented, you will be able to be with God, and myself soon as I am getting on in age. Jesus has died for our sins and God will forgive you.


“For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23)





Hi victim of Julian the possum,


I am terribly sorry for this to have happened to you. I know possums are a nightmare to deal with as I have lived with one in the trees of the nunnery for 10 years of my life. I would recommend for you to call the exterminator on Julian.


…Maybe that is too harsh.


At least stop feeding him and he will stop expecting good things from you. I hope you and Julian are ok.




Hail thy sister!


This is a very disputable question. Why I don’t have any favourites (but between us, Sister Winifred Wigmore is my best friend), as I try to promote an open circle among all, as per God’s beliefs, and I CERTAINLY do not have a least favourite sister as I love all my sisters to heaven and back (although I do have issues with the priests who had me excommunicated, that was very rude of them).


I hope you remember to love your neighour like yourself!




Dearest fellow sister,


I love you too. But do you know who I love more?

God.

Hope you love God just as much as you love me!





Dearest Bathroom User,

I am sincerely sorry that you have to suffer through the smelly lavatories! Although I am a bit confused as to why the lavatories are named after Sister Stanislaus Mornane and myself. I am very proud of Loreto and the school I founded, so I will send over a team of nuns to help ensure the lavatories are pleasingly fragrant.


If there are any further problems with the bathrooms please contact Pope Francis and he will make sure it is all taken care of.





Greetings sister,


I am yet to be informed of what this curious ‘Stranger Things’ is. But if you can’t stop talking about something, my advice would be for you to fill up your time more so you don’t have time to think about this bizarre ‘Stranger Things Four’! Some ways to get your mind off this would be praying, attending church or walking to Rome to visit Pope Francis.


Wishing you well.





Dearest friend,


I have heard this term ‘slay’ in so many of my letters, yet I am still to be informed of what this ‘slay’ means. To slay or not to slay. I’m sure this question would be very philosophical if I knew what it meant.


Hope you slay!



At last my time for answering your burning questions has come to an end. If any of you ladies are in trouble or need my wise guidance, please write to me in this form below and I will see to it that the majority of these inquiries are answered soon. In the meantime, stay safe and pray.


Love Mary




















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