Ask Mary

1 day ago

6 min read

Updated: 14 hours ago

By Joanna Cowan

In the old days of teen girl magazines, before everyone could ask TikTok for relationship advice, there were advice columns. It was a segment in the magazine where you could write in a question and the editors would answer it. The Mary Word even used to have one of these and frankly, I think it’s time we bring it back. This column included

everything from friendship disasters to social dilemmas, questionable decisions and the occasional completely avoidable crisis. You can ask any kind of question like “what should I do if my friends have a separate group chat without me?” or “I have the same formal dress as my friend. What should I tell her!”. So here is my attempt…

Dear Mary, My friend and I bought the exact same formal dress. What should I tell her?

My child, you have presented a difficult situation however I believe if you got the dress first or expressed significantly and clearly that you wanted that dress you could bring it up. This reminds of a time when sister Barry commissioned a custom habit with extra lining for warmth and Mother Dorothea borrowed it without telling her. However, I have determined it is also permissible to wear the same dress as you will accessorise differently. See for me and the sisters, we just wear matching habits, the same every day but I understand your dilemma. It also depends on whether the dress can be returned or not if it can be you could gently suggest the trying a different one if they aren’t absolutely set on this dress and if not you may just have to reach a compromise.

Dear Mary, I waved back at someone who wasn't waving at me. How do I recover?

This is a tricky one, my child and to be honest there is almost no way to recover, it is a ‘canon event’. However here is how I would play it off:

Keep waving and walk past them like you too were waving at someone else behind them
Do the classic head scratch
Play it off by laughing at yourself or with the other person

Alternatively, don’t wave at someone unless you recognise them!

Dear Mary, my friend keeps leaving me on delivered but is posting on Instagram. Am I being dramatic?

Before you start analysing their Instagram activity like you're conducting a criminal investigation, take a breath. I think if this is a recurring event maybe bring it up, however sometimes I just don’t have the energy or time to reply to people even if they are still my friend so that may be why. Sometimes I don’t respond to my divine calls from God because I am too tired. I believe you shouldn’t panic until it is a recurring event.

Dear Mary, what do I do if I don't actually want to go out, but I'm scared my friends will think I'm boring?

This is always tricky but what I have learnt is that there are so many people who claim to be ‘party people’ or ‘fun’ just end up sitting in the corner of a party acting bored because they don’t want to be there. In my time travelling the Alps I had plenty of time to reflect on people like this and I have decided, If you don’t want to be there, don’t go. But have composure, don’t let them tell you you are boring when you're not. Try to have some playful backtalk and banter with them for example…

“You never go out with us, your so boring”

“Sorry I didn’t realise attendance was compulsory"

Stick by yourself and do what you're comfortable with and don’t be afraid to have a little sass, as the kids say, at the people who believe you have to go out all the time to have fun!

Questions: here are some questions Mary may address in future issues.

Friendship drama

My best friend has started hanging out with someone she used to hate. Do I say something?
My friend keeps leaving me on delivered but is posting on Instagram. Am I being dramatic?
I think my friends have a group chat without me. What should I do?
My friend copies everything I do: clothes, makeup, even the way I talk. How do I tell her to stop?
My best friend is dating someone I don't like. Do I tell her?
I accidentally told someone a secret that wasn't mine to tell. How do I fix it?
My friends are planning something and I wasn't invited. Should I ask why?
I'm always the one who has to organise plans. Should I stop trying?

Crushes & relationships

I like my friend's ex. Is that automatically off-limits?
My crush knows I like him and now everything is awkward. Help.
How do I tell if someone actually likes me or is just being friendly?
My crush takes hours to reply but is always online. What does this mean?
I think my friend likes my crush. Do I tell her I like him too?
My friend keeps trying to set me up with someone I don't like. How do I make her stop?
Should I make the first move or wait for them to?
I accidentally liked an old photo of my crush. Do I move countries?

School & social dilemmas

My friend and I bought the exact same formal dress. What should I tell her?
Someone keeps copying my outfits at school. Should I say something?
I got invited to two parties on the same night. How do I choose?
My friends are all going to a party but I wasn't invited. Should I ask if I can come?
I sit with the wrong group at lunch and now I feel trapped. How do I move tables without making it weird?
Everyone in my year seems to know each other's business. How do I keep my life private?
I said something embarrassing in class and now I can't face anyone. How long until people forget?
My teacher keeps calling on me when I haven't put my hand up. How do I avoid it?

Funny / slightly ridiculous ones

I waved back at someone who wasn't waving at me. How do I recover?
I said “you too” when the waiter told me happy birthday. Is my life over?
I walked into the wrong classroom and stayed for five minutes. Should I transfer schools?
I accidentally sent a screenshot of my conversation TO the person I was talking about. What now?
I have to work with my ex on a group assignment. How do we survive?
I saw my crush looking at me. Does this mean anything or am I delusional?
I tripped in front of everyone. How many years until I can return to society?
My mum follows me on Instagram. Can I ever truly be myself?
My friend takes 400 photos before choosing one. How do I escape the photoshoot?
Someone keeps stealing my seat at lunch. Is this worth starting a diplomatic incident over?

Awkward questions

How do I tell someone they have bad breath without destroying their confidence?
My friend has started smelling different but no one will tell her. Should I?
Someone keeps borrowing my things and never gives them back. How do I ask for them without sounding rude?
My friend constantly interrupts me. How do I get her to actually listen?
I don't like someone anymore but they're still really into me. How do I let them down kindly?
I accidentally overheard my friends talking about me. Should I confront them?
Someone told me a secret and now I'm desperate to tell someone else. How do I resist?

Genuine advice-column questions

How do I know when a friendship has run its course?
How do I stop comparing myself to my friends?
What do I do when I feel like everyone is moving on without me?
How do I become more confident when I feel like everyone is judging me?
What do I do if I don't actually want to go out, but I'm scared my friends will think I'm boring?
How do I say no without feeling guilty?
How do I deal with a friend who is constantly negative?
How do I make new friends when everyone already has their group?